singletears

it have been a while i didn't put my finger onto this page.. how i miss to write something.. to share my feeling.. but "TIME' concurred my life line.. (just another excuse) actually i think im changing.. i dont even know whether its gonna be good or not good enough.. for a second time.. i didnt think i could controled my anger like i used too.. i kept doing the "HORRIFIED" things.. scolding people over simple mistake.. yes its me.. the "ONE" no one wanna have in their life.. actually.. it wasnt bout jealousy or grunge that i kept inside.. but it was a tiny little thing inside of me.. which keep on telling me.. "PITY" you..u can do nothing.. how i wish i could do anything to help them.. how i love my family for things that nobody cares.. i love them.. i had draw a line in my life.. that there shouldnt be another heart that i will care for.. coz.. maybe for others.. knowing n loosing someone is a lesson they learn.. ...

in some ways life is a lil bit funny.. with all the jokes it gave us through years we faced.. kadang tersentak gak biler org tanyer pasal adik2 n abg2 aku.. mn diaorg da g.. apa yg da jadi.. for some reason..smile is the only answer i could wave out with.. mungkin satu masa dulu.. aku ada untuk diaorg.. n sekarang masa untuk diaorg lak ada tuk org lain.. life is a simple twist.. here or there.. i wont be a matter.. as long the center of it will stay in the middle.. "HEART" tipu klu x pernah rasa rindu.. bohong klu xnak jumpa lg.. mustahil untuk benci.. tapi.. kadang2.. beralah untuk rindu lebih baik.. =) masa berubah.. yg muda kn dewasa.. yg dewasa akn berusia.. penuh dgn tanggungjawap.. siapa aku nak tentukan siapa untuk di ingati mereka.. even though i was just a small part in their life.. i believe i do wat eva it takes to make them feel better now.. it was a blessed to have them in my heart.. in a lo...

penat bekerja.. masalah sini sana.. aku still cuba untuk senyum.. aku sedar nak atau x.. masa terus berlalu.. aku tetap dgn dunia aku.. bile menyiapkn mjlis kahwin org.. mesti ada mkcik2 yg promosi anak masing2.. aku senyum jer.. cukuplah aku buat ramai yg terluka.. mustahil untuk terus melupakan.. tapi janji tetap janji.. aku akn lupakan dia.. sebab aku xder makna dlm hidup dia.. aku percaya Allah maha kaya.. mungkin kurang didunia.. akan lebih disana kelak.. rindu untuk gembira.. tersenyum.. mesra.. cuma takDHIR terus berlalu.. ya tuhan.. hilangkanlah rasa itu.. "selamat hari lahir yg ke 33"

this year supposed to be my year.. everything supposed to be perfect.. complete.. but part of it disappear.. along with those who i really missed to be with.. aku mmg niat.. syawal kali ni aku akn pulangkan semua hak org lain.. aku pulangkan abg mak aku pd dia.. aku pulangkan abg yg adik aku perlukan.. but somehow.. Allah x pulangkan dia.. jumaat lps.. aku rasa lbh tenang.. aku tawu dia x knl aku mcm aku knl dia.. dia xpernah ada tuk ceritakan hidup dia.. walaupun dunia kami jauh beza.. aku yakin.. dia dengar rintihan aku.. walaupun dia x jawap apa2 pun.. aku tawu dia dpt rasa apa yg aku rasa.. hidup perlu diteruskan.. aku x lah sebaik mana.. tapi aku akn pegang janjji aku pada dia.. terima kasih Allah sebab pinjamkan dia.. pinjamkan sedikit dari dunia dia.. moga dia akan lebih bahagia disana.. al-fatihah..

NORMAL sesuatu yg abNORMAL dlm hidup aku.. i love to be different.. tapi mungkin perbezaan aku terlalu ketara dgn org lain.. aku x mampu tuk sembunyikan apa yg aku rasa.. bukan mudah untuk senyum masa hati terlalu sedih.. tapi aku yakin.. hari ini terluka.. esok akan sembuh.. aku cuba pelbagai cara untuk betulkan kesilapan aku.. semakin aku jauh dari dia.. semakin terluka.. mungkin kerana dia terlalu sempurna.. dia impian yg aku pernah simpan.. mungkin dia satu pengajaran yg tuhan ciptakan untuk aku.. aku da harungi mcm2 masalah dari dulu.. tapi belum pernah aku rasa hidup kosong mcm ni.. belum pernah aku rasa terlalu kehilangan.. belum pernah aku rasa terluka seteruk ini.. mungkin kerana aku terlalu.. dan terus terlalu.. hampir setiap saat dlm hidup aku.. dia pasti wujud.. dia pasti ada.. sedangkan aku xpernah wujud dlm hidup dia walaupun sesaat.. selagi aku turus kt sini.. aku xkn mampu lupakan dia.. aku x mampu ubah apa2 pun.. impian hanya mimpi.. mas...

post kali nih mmg sedikit personal.. harap xder pihak yg terasa.. ni hanya luahan sebagai perkongsian.. siyes mmg best bile org puji kita.. bergaya.. smart.. handsome.. tp x semua pujian tu ikhlas.. kebanyakan nya ada udang disebalik batu.. i love to be in trend.. stylo.. but wat eva i wear or do, i do it becoz i love to.. not to satisfied any person or group.. tp kdg2 agak lemas bile org dtg dekat.. pegang sini sana.. mula ckp ngarut2.. mintak ngarut2.. mcm kite nih boleh beli sama harga dgn baju.. ada yg kawan hanya sbb style aku.. sebab rupa aku.. walaupun aku x ensem mn.. tp pelik biler rmi yg minat.. (bukan puji diri sendiri) sedih gak biler terfikir yg xder ke yg tol2 akn terima kita seadanya.. betul2 akn hargai kita.. bukan untuk sesuatu yg kita pon x mmpu beri.. tapi dunia ttp mcm tuh.. kdg2 rasa mcm mls nak mndi.. xmo kuar rumah.. tp xtawu nak wat per.. so i just keep on pretending im ok.. wear wat eva i want.. do wat eva i have to do.. b...

they said... a new dawn is a new day.. a new start.. n I miss my new start with cloud filling the entire sky.. telling the universe how close it will hug the earth.. n now I can only see hays..   there were time that I hold my self tidily n let my mind think that.. I need nobody to love.. to be in love.. to fall for love.. get hurt n letting go..   but none will satisfied me.. I believe that I was born to love.. love completed my life.. here n I hope hereafter..   I need them.. no matter how bad they treated me.. no matter how bad they make me cried.. I still hope I can hug them n tell them.. "i'm here n I will always love u"   to my dear lil SIS..ma* there were time when we make mistake.. we said wrong words.. we do wrong action.. n fall for wrong things.. but non will ends my cares n love for u..   to my HEART n SOUL..fie sometime I think we are not mean for each other.. coz I cant gave u ...