singletears

im spending 2 weeks away from casabonda.. where im trying to understand the way i am better.. tnx to ibu n abah that trying soo hard to comfort me.. mak ckp.. "kau ni sombong..ego" i said, i smile to any person that walk through me n im still "sombong?" mak ckp.. "sombong sbb x cube bljr maafkn org..ego sbb rasa apa yg kau buat sumer betol" yes i am.. wat else do i need to do..? i trust ppl around me.. i neva cared about wat there were.. miskin ker kaya ker lawa ker.. that doesnt bother me even a bit.. but do they act the same toward me? they dont.. my whole life was thinking wat the best for others.. n neva did for me.. n wat did i ask for return?  non.. but ppl always look at the negative side of me.. n when i did the same.. once again... im the only bad person who stand on earth.. klu die suker something..i would try to gave them the best i can.. klu dia x reti masak..its ok im going to cook for...

sometimes life ask us more then what we expected.. i used to know who i am, what i want who i'm gonna be and where to go.. but now.. " I'M LOST " i always overlook the future.. this wasnt because i'm running away from my past.. but keeping those memories hurt me more then others think.. i thought walking in open wide future is much easier then walking through the past.. but it is not.. so i turn back and pick up every pieces of my past and hold it to gain strength to face days onward.. i wish i doesn't have to wait for any changes to happen.. as im the one who change my life.. but once again i forgot that this world wasnt all bout me.. "no matter how hard this life would be.. or how often its make u cry.. dont ever lost hope onto things that u believe.."

dlm dunia nih rmi yg cube bantu diri sendiri tanpa pikir org len.. dan biler org len cuba bantu yg memerlukan ader plak yg nak tolong sshkn lg.. agak sedeh biler family aku lbh percayakn org len dari aku.. aper pun yg aku cube buat skrg nih.. aku da lama pikir.. lgpun nih dpt bntu aku jd org yg lbh baek kelak.. tp rmi yg x setuju.. soo instead of doing good things i started to do it wrong.. dan aku nak semua org yg buat aku berenti dari buat apa yg sepatutnyer aku buat tanggung.. sumer dosa n silap aku sepanjang hidup dieorg.. family aku ckp aku lbh kn org luar dr kuarga.. x tawu ker berapa bnyk yg aku da korbankn tuk family nih.. kuarga fifie ckp aku tlg org x beragak.. yes i am.. sbb aku bkn dok kt tepi tingkap sambil ckp.. "kesian org tuh..." tp x wat per2 tuk tolong.. this is real life..real story.. bkn mcm tgok drama sedey...tp ley ttp jer tv tuh.. bkn gak pesanan dlm buku2 agama.. baca dan tutup buku.. act like u care is the right way of showing ur...

kdg2 rasa rindu sgt kt dieorg.. dulu selalu dtg cnie.. lpk2.. guraw2.. sesamer bgun lmbat.. tp skrg sumer da besar2.. sbuk ngn hal msg2.. betulkn dlm hidup nih sumer pinjaman.. sampai satu masa nnt.. kiter kene pulangkn gak.. mungkin ader sikit rasa kecewa.. biler die xder lgsung msg tanyer kabar.. x dtg mungkin x sempat.. tapi..dulu.. hurmmm.. aku cume rasa.. aku da tolong dieorg sumer dgn bek.. tanggungjawap aku da selesai.. da smpi masa aku tlg org len plak.. aku da halalkn sumer yg aku pernah bg dulu.. aku hrp dieorg akn jd org yg lbh baik.. skrg dpt kes baru.. walaupon tkot bnda yg same jd.. aku still akn cube tlg apa termampu.. hidup adalah untuk memberi.. cuma kali nih.. cube xnak libatkn perasaan personal.. sbb xnak sshkn sesaper lg.. die pernah ada dlm idop aku.. selamanya ttp ada.. bile rindu giler kt dieorg.. aku duduk kt bilik.. kt cnie r sumer kngan tuh ada.. tnx Allah untuk semua senyuman itu.. =)

masa jg mak kt ospital.. fifie gtawu yg anak jiran dia masuk wad gak.. dak lelaki.. teragak nak tgok.. tp biler nak g jer..mesti ader yg mghalang.. so aku pesan dlm ati.. "klu tuhan rasa aku perlu jumpa dia, aku ttp akn jmp" then aku jumpa gak dak tuh.. borak2.. tmn dia lpk2.. x bnyk yg die ceritakn.. tp da bnyk yg aku tawu.. tuh yg wat aku sgt teringin jumpa dak tuh.. x sangka dia da lalui mcm2 dlm idop nih.. beza 4 taun dari aku.. tp idop die lbh bnyk kisah sedey.. kali ke2 jmp dia.. tgok die x berapa ok.. dia asek pegang perot.. then gtawu yg kepala dia sakit sgt.. aku g jmp doktor.. mintak kn ubat.. tp sumer wat dek jer.. aku g kt dia blik.. pegang kepala dia.. sagt panas! cpt2 g cari towel kecik tuamkn.. die mcm x sangka aku akn wat mcm tuh.. aku pon x caya aku wat sumer tu.. x lame lps tuam tuh dia tertido.. teringt sumer kngan lps.. jg adik2 aku.. cuma.. xper lah tuhan lbh tawu.. lama gak dia tido.. lega biler die ckp dia da x peni...

this is not a typing error.. it is one of my words that i would use to describe my life.. mimpi yg xkn jadi kenyataan.. da seminggu mak kt ospital.. tiap2 hari dtg melawat.. lagi lama mak kt wad.. makin terok yg aku rasa.. rutin harian aku.. dari jam 6 pg aku da bgun wat sarapan.. tok mak..ayah n akak.. akk jg mak mlm smpi pg.. jmpot akk trus anto mknan tok mak.. blik umah.. basuh baju.. clearkn pinggan mangkok yg kotor.. kms umah.. penat...tp aku serunok dpt buat sumer tuh.. cuma.. semalam..hari plg terok bg aku.. aku rasa aku da wat mcm2 tok sumer org.. tp xtawu np.. org ttp slhkn aku gak.. ibu marah sbb aku x salam pak ngah.. dia ckp "xboleh ker bg mak sng ati? mak kn x sht" aku cuba..tp aku x sedia tok buat sumer tuh..tp still aku wat tok sumer org.. aku blik umah...bru kms da bersepah.. aku bising2..ayah ckp "sian akk ko tuh pnt jg mak kt ospital" aku yg kt umah nih x pnt ker? bru ingt nak ngadu kt mak.. tibe2 mak ckp "nape...