Showing posts from 2012
da seminggu melarikan diri dari kolej..
i think this PAPER things really burden me up..
a lot..
it is simple..
but i make it sound worse..

biler mula jer wat paper nih..
mkn = daging black PAPER..
minum = PAPERmint cool blog
wat kijer = PAPER cut
sumer ada paper..

one thing for sure..
i lost my identity..
i dont have time for any other great things to do..
im only know how to break thing rather then make one..
tamper in highly risk of death..
n worse...i hurt everyone feeling..

one week looking for answer..
n today..
i found it hide in nature..
"SOMETIME we need to understand all,
its not what we always want most..
but what others need"

tomorrow im going back to college..
i wanna start new..
i knew i was not a good writter..
but those good writter doesnt burried with his paper right?

i will do the best..
not for u or others..
but for me..
A is not my aimed..
few weeks in new semester.. DULL* it started wrong... working up wrong.. n still...wrong! i dont know wat to do next..
org akn pndang aku..dan ckp.. UNTUNG lah...ada itu.. ada ini.. ada dia.. they really know wat i need most?
when HE walk out from my life.. he took away a big junk of me.. part of my heart.. box full of memories.. and he left me with a single DOTS.. a SCAR..that doesnt really appear but hurt more then dead would be..
sometime i wish i could disappear.. but dark wont shade me.. i wish i could shone.. nor light will be that great.. i wish i could stop.. but life still ahead..
i start a day.. with a HOPE of getting cured.. a hope of getting a new place to hide.. a hope of being love n to love.. at the end of the day.. it goes HOPE----less..
the last word u said.. "life goes on" will filled in the last part in my heart.. i HOPE it grow.. till my life is complete.. and oneday.. if u ever turn back for me.. i HOPE i will neva be that person who i used to be..
i HOPE you will never be here..

ketika manusia berfikir diluar kotak..

diharapkan post kali nih tidak mendatangkn sebarang imej yg salah..
last few days aku ada terbaca satu post in blog n on fb walls.. it saids "SAY NO TO SAME GENDER MARRIAGE" this is becoz? "KIDS WILL LOST THEIR RIGHT TO HAVE BOTH PARENT" inilah yg rmi pertahankan.. is it true?
use other excuses... but never use this one.. u know y? perkahwinan yg sah.. anak yg sah.. but still doesnt get enough attention from both parent.. yg dieorg dpt pe? mama bibik* or abang-la...
yg lbh teruk.. perkahwinan x sah.. anak...? campak dari tingkat 11.. bakar.. buang sungai.. simpan bawah katil..!
atleast those who love same gender know how to appreciated god gifts.. dont only looks at the dark side.. i dont mean to highlight which side is better.. but when u think out of the box.. make sure u think from the right box..
have u guys watched mirror2? yes.. go n find that huge mirror.. tgok aper yg korg sentiasa terlepas.. who are we to judge what is right for others..
sayang x bermaksud cinta.. so grab those lil hands..

late nyte movie..

sekejap jer da 8 november 2012..
x lame lg tmbh la umo aku..

mlm ni x terasa nak tido awal..
bru abes tgok marlyn monroe..
siyes x tepikir nak tgok citer tuh..
but the real fact behind that movie really thrill to to watch..

citer nyer pasal sorg yg terlalu ingin berjaya..
sanggup buat apa jer tuk kejar impian tuh..
sorg lg terlalu mencintai..
dan sanggup buat mcm2 kerja tuk bantu yg td capai impian nya..
but in the end, both lost on their hopes..

i kept on mumbling by my own..
"bodo betol lelaki nih...x nmpk ke kene guna?"
then i realize something..
aku pon pernah buat sumer tuh..

marlyn akhirnya bunuh diri..
then bob teruskn hidup mcm biasa..
that is what i need to do..
move on..

dah beberapa ketika tanpa fb..
rasa lbh tenang..
bnyk hargai masa untuk sesuatu yg lbh baek..
aku da mula hilang sumer rasa rindu tuh..
skrg aku cuma ada dia..
yg sentiasa ucap "i love u"
n i knew dia mmg syg aku..

(terhenti & melihat bulan)
dia jauh..
aku kene capai impian aku..
teruskan …

just another cruel facts!

tonight i learn another facts.. why some ppl like me more.. and why some of them hated me badly..
this is me.. im not the one who stay..left..or wounded ur memory with lies.. plz do not judge me with ur past.. im real..and none of me reflect them..
dia pernah ckp... "np potong rambut mcm tuh?" "saya suke tgok awak nyer style" then this night i finally know why... --I look just like HIM-- didnt i?
its kindda sad.. knowing that someone like or love u.. just becoz u look like what they had earn years ago.. u believe u step here.. but ur mark had been there.. --im just like a shadow-- nobody will care..
it was damn hard to let go.. yet too dump to stay while knowing that im not the one.. yg dia rindu...syg...or wat eva.. why do i wish to stay.. why do i have to face this.. do i have to move on without...?
i missed u damn much.. i wish this is just a dream...


bulan nih.. sgt bnyk membebankn otak.. sgt bnyk memikirkn.. yg lalu.. sekarang.. yg depan..
bulan nih gak aku plg bnyk menangis.. sgt mcm dak kecik.. xtawu np.. but each time i remember those IDIOTS.. tears falls.. that make me another IDIOT..
terlalu bnyk yg aku dah ilang.. 24 tahun.. cukup bnyk masa yg dihabiskn untuk menyayangi.. berkongsi perasaan.. yg akhirnya.. tetap sendirian..
hidup sekadar mimpi.. indah seketika.. ngeri pon sementara.. tapi kesan nya kekal...sampai bila2..
rindu untuk gembira.. senyum.. tertawa.. tapi.. menangis lbh mudah..
aku syg dia.. aku cinta dia.. aku rindu dia.. aku perlukan dia.. dan setiap DIA adalah org berbeza.. bukan tamak.. tapi hati akan kekal begitu..

tnx sbb pernah ada dlm hidup sy.. dan benarkan saya untuk terus disini..

hanya sekadar mendengar...

lately sgt kerap teringat kt dia... mungkin dia rasa aku nih kwn yg x guna.. or aku da lp kn dia..
aku tanya kwn2 len.. dia sht...? baby dia ok ker? i did remember all those great moment we once had.. tp aku tawu there is no way HE gonna let me see both of them..
hari tu... lame gak bediri kt dpn lovely lace mid.. tgok kasut baby gurl.. cumil.. aku tawu klu beli pon aku xdpt nak bg.. n confirm baby tuh akn dpt yg lbh bek..
mungkin pd org len baby tuh x same.. but to me that lil angel will always be angel.. n aku sgt berharap.. dia xkn sia2 kn satu lagi kehidupan..
aku nak baby tu tawu dia ada uncle.. mungkin x sebaik org len.. but at least aku cube tuk jd baik..
mungkin satu masa nnt tuhan akn temukan aku ngn mereka.. x kira bila.. aku ttp akn tggu..

dia mesti akan cantik mcm mama dia.. slmt mlm...

i just did..

sometime faith is a bit cruel to me.. it send me a smile that ends with tears.. then came a heart yet it goes broken.. is it me.. or its really faith who is playing around....?
last weekend was a disaster.. i saw someone i used to know b4.. dia da ada family.. that person doesnt ever turn to look.. but i can see that they were happy togather.. that is what most important..
then.. i met someone.. thinking that it have been years when we last met.. i was thrilling with excitement but then.. it doesnt work well.. she told me she's getting engage soon..
hell shocked with that.. but i do wish she could find someone better.. n she did.. thanks God for making my pray came true..
i never ask anyone to wait.. n no one did.. that is why i think.. the best thing to do is.. "walk away"
aku sentiasa harap org akn lbh bahagia dari aku.. x kire saper pon org tuh.. dgn saper dia teruskan idop.. or what ever situation they face.. aku doakan mereka bahagia..
i'd choose my path.. n im not going to turn back.. thanks f…

mlm ni.. tibe2 hati sebak biler pndang pic tu.. teringt yg satu masa dulu.. aku pernah syg die mcm family.. kami kongsi mcm2..
but things change.. die sbuk ngn awek.. n kawan2 bek die.. sape la aku nih klu nak dibandingkan dgn yg len..
kalu die anggap aku family.. mesti hati die teringat nak msg.. call biler free.. mungkin dtg menjenguk.. tp..
aku harap die sentiasa eppy.. aku doakn die x wat silap mcm aku.. syg org yg x perlu ada..
aku still ada adik2 aku yg len.. yg akn ada selama mungkin.. terima kasih tuhan kerana pinjamkan die..
" muhammad fathi hussien shaharudin"


saya mohon..jangan tanya saya tentang kahwin dan cinta..
life is not as easy as u tend to draw.. it was deeper then the sea..
i used to care too much for people i love.. in the end i lost those people that really love me..
and if u read this.. i really want u to know that.. saya x perlukan cinta.. dan saya x perlukan awak..
i have my own way to enjoy this life.. stop bugging me with ur stupid lies..
i told my parent that i wont get married.. i will adopt a child n care him like my own kids.. work damn hard to grab all my dream.. make it came true.. n stay with my beloved casabonda..
life is short.. thats what i mean.. short is no u, and only me...


saya sangat penat..
da sampai masa untuk sÀAÀaya berehat..AAA

saya da xda masa untuk cari kamu lg..
cari dia..
awak dan sesiapa pon..
masa saya da terhad..

blog nih akan sepi seketika..
dan jika saya terus menghilang..
ertinya saya terus berehat..

saya mohon maaf pada semua..
saya cuma rasa lebih baik saya sembunyikan semuanya..
terima kasih..

hari semakin suram..
ya tuhan berikan aku kekuatan..

tokbah still kt kpj kajang.. tiap2 kali jumpa dia akn nanges..
hancur rasanya hati..
dulu tokbah selalu wat lawak.. skrg sgt bnyk yg berubrah..

"aki tlg picit kpla tokbah''
x ssh nak wat mcm tu..
cume ssh nak thn air mata ni..
xnak dia tawu aku sedih..
dia kene kuat..
cepat sembuh..
dpt tgok kami ada kuarga sendiri..
when he hold my hand..
he said..
jgn simpn dndm..
jgn gaduh dgn kuarga..
dia je atuk yg smpt aku tmpg mnja..
n its breaks my heart.
seing him like that..

owh Allah..
please spare him few more years..
i love him even that i knew u love him more..


i'm glad that u finally met someone.. i guess he was special person.. just like u are.. hold him right.. wish u guys the best of luck.. <3
im still looking for a piece of heart that gonna complete this chapter.. but.. when im thinking of having those feeling within me.. i kept worrying how bad its gonna hurt.. sometimes life is a bit unfair.. where bad people always wore high their pride.. of hurting people feeling..
i just wish it could be stop.. but it seem not.. and what i kept facing.. hurt.. and another hurts..
now i will always remind myself.. not to look back.. try to have another great day.. without getting hurt.. "NO LOVE" no tears.. no more you.. and always be.. "ME"

" ya Rabbi jauhkan dia dari hati ku "

nothing speacial..

kadang2 aku pon pelik.. biler rmi yg ckp aku nih bertuah.. x dinafikan idop aku x sesusah org len.. cume the way they said those words are completely strange..
secara jujurnya.. aku x la se-handsome mat2 macho kt luar tuh.. x gak pndai mcm kwn2 yg len.. or kaya celah mane kn.. tp rmi yg ckp mcm nih.. "i just wish i could be at ur place" becoz of wat?

org ckp aku stylo.. n ramai yg berubah lebih KEMAS lps kwn ngn aku.. n serunuk dpt buat perubahan tuh..
rmi gak dak2 kck yg nmpk aku n ckp nnt da beso nak jd mcm aku.. pelik.. sbb aper yg best nyer pasal diri aku nih?
ada masanya mls nak jg pnmpilan.. but then jmp quote nih.. so i learn to love myself more.. sbb..dulu.. aku rasa org akn terima aku seadanya.. but now thing are changging... aku berubah untuk lbh dihargai.. dan bljr untuk lbh mnghargai..
hidup nih x seindah yg dilihat.. bnyk yg perlu disembunyikan.. yg pntg bibir sentiasa tersenyum.. untuk lbh mnceriakn hari yg mndatang..
dr apa yg pernah terjadi dulu.. aku lbh bahagia skrg.. BEBAS.. hidup nih si…

this is now..this is ever...


pesan mak...

im spending 2 weeks away from casabonda.. where im trying to understand the way i am better.. tnx to ibu n abah that trying soo hard to comfort me..
mak ckp.. "kau ni sombong..ego" i said, i smile to any person that walk through me n im still "sombong?" mak ckp.. "sombong sbb x cube bljr maafkn org..ego sbb rasa apa yg kau buat sumer betol"
yes i am..
wat else do i need to do..? i trust ppl around me.. i neva cared about wat there were.. miskin ker kaya ker lawa ker.. that doesnt bother me even a bit.. but do they act the same toward me? they dont..
my whole life was thinking wat the best for others.. n neva did for me.. n wat did i ask for return?  non.. but ppl always look at the negative side of me.. n when i did the same.. once again... im the only bad person who stand on earth..
klu die suker something..i would try to gave them the best i can.. klu dia x reti masak..its ok im going to cook for u the whole life ahead.. u dont look like models...fine atleast u always look good…

we shouldn't wait for another mistake..

sometimes life ask us more then what we expected..
i used to know who i am, what i want who i'm gonna be and where to go..
but now..
" I'M LOST "

i always overlook the future..
this wasnt because i'm running away from my past..
but keeping those memories hurt me more then others think..

i thought walking in open wide future is much easier then walking through the past..
but it is not..
so i turn back and pick up every pieces of my past and hold it to gain strength to face days onward..

i wish i doesn't have to wait for any changes to happen..
as im the one who change my life..
but once again i forgot that this world wasnt all bout me..

"no matter how hard this life would be..
or how often its make u cry..
dont ever lost hope onto things that u believe.."

wish i could stay..

dlm dunia nih rmi yg cube bantu diri sendiri tanpa pikir org len..
dan biler org len cuba bantu yg memerlukan ader plak yg nak tolong sshkn lg..

agak sedeh biler family aku lbh percayakn org len dari aku..
aper pun yg aku cube buat skrg nih..
aku da lama pikir..
lgpun nih dpt bntu aku jd org yg lbh baek kelak..
tp rmi yg x setuju..
soo instead of doing good things i started to do it wrong..
dan aku nak semua org yg buat aku berenti dari buat apa yg sepatutnyer aku buat tanggung..
sumer dosa n silap aku sepanjang hidup dieorg..

family aku ckp aku lbh kn org luar dr kuarga..
x tawu ker berapa bnyk yg aku da korbankn tuk family nih..
kuarga fifie ckp aku tlg org x beragak..
yes i am..
sbb aku bkn dok kt tepi tingkap sambil ckp..
"kesian org tuh..." tp x wat per2 tuk tolong..
this is real life..real story..
bkn mcm tgok drama ley ttp jer tv tuh..
bkn gak pesanan dlm buku2 agama..
baca dan tutup buku..
act like u care is the right way of showing ur emotion..

fifie mara…


kdg2 rasa rindu sgt kt dieorg..
dulu selalu dtg cnie..
sesamer bgun lmbat..
tp skrg sumer da besar2..
sbuk ngn hal msg2..

betulkn dlm hidup nih sumer pinjaman..
sampai satu masa nnt..
kiter kene pulangkn gak..

mungkin ader sikit rasa kecewa..
biler die xder lgsung msg tanyer kabar..
x dtg mungkin x sempat..

aku cume rasa..
aku da tolong dieorg sumer dgn bek..
tanggungjawap aku da selesai..
da smpi masa aku tlg org len plak..
aku da halalkn sumer yg aku pernah bg dulu..

aku hrp dieorg akn jd org yg lbh baik..

skrg dpt kes baru..
walaupon tkot bnda yg same jd..
aku still akn cube tlg apa termampu..
hidup adalah untuk memberi..

cuma kali nih..
cube xnak libatkn perasaan personal..
sbb xnak sshkn sesaper lg..
die pernah ada dlm idop aku..
selamanya ttp ada..

bile rindu giler kt dieorg..
aku duduk kt bilik..
kt cnie r sumer kngan tuh ada..
tnx Allah untuk semua senyuman itu..

dengan izin Nya~

masa jg mak kt ospital..
fifie gtawu yg anak jiran dia masuk wad gak..
dak lelaki..
teragak nak tgok..
tp biler nak g jer..mesti ader yg mghalang..
so aku pesan dlm ati..
"klu tuhan rasa aku perlu jumpa dia, aku ttp akn jmp"
then aku jumpa gak dak tuh..
tmn dia lpk2..

x bnyk yg die ceritakn..
tp da bnyk yg aku tawu..
tuh yg wat aku sgt teringin jumpa dak tuh..
x sangka dia da lalui mcm2 dlm idop nih..
beza 4 taun dari aku..
tp idop die lbh bnyk kisah sedey..

kali ke2 jmp dia..
tgok die x berapa ok..
dia asek pegang perot..
then gtawu yg kepala dia sakit sgt..
aku g jmp doktor..
mintak kn ubat..
tp sumer wat dek jer..
aku g kt dia blik..
pegang kepala dia..
sagt panas!
cpt2 g cari towel kecik tuamkn..
die mcm x sangka aku akn wat mcm tuh..
aku pon x caya aku wat sumer tu..
x lame lps tuam tuh dia tertido..

teringt sumer kngan lps..
jg adik2 aku..
xper lah tuhan lbh tawu..
lama gak dia tido..
lega biler die ckp dia da x pening..kepala pon da x panas lg..

sedih biler tgok tmpt org len..
mcm2 mknan …


this is not a typing error..
it is one of my words that i would use to describe my life..
mimpi yg xkn jadi kenyataan..

da seminggu mak kt ospital..
tiap2 hari dtg melawat..
lagi lama mak kt wad..
makin terok yg aku rasa..
rutin harian aku..
dari jam 6 pg aku da bgun wat sarapan..
tok mak..ayah n akak..
akk jg mak mlm smpi pg..
jmpot akk trus anto mknan tok mak..

blik umah..
basuh baju..
clearkn pinggan mangkok yg kotor..
kms umah.. aku serunok dpt buat sumer tuh..

semalam..hari plg terok bg aku..
aku rasa aku da wat mcm2 tok sumer org..
tp xtawu np..
org ttp slhkn aku gak..

ibu marah sbb aku x salam pak ngah..
dia ckp "xboleh ker bg mak sng ati? mak kn x sht"
aku aku x sedia tok buat sumer still aku wat tok sumer org..
aku blik umah...bru kms da bersepah..
aku bising2..ayah ckp "sian akk ko tuh pnt jg mak kt ospital"
aku yg kt umah nih x pnt ker?
bru ingt nak ngadu kt mak..
tibe2 mak ckp "nape ko asek marah adik? x boleh ker mak nih x sht l…

somewhere in 2010

bkn semua kngan tuh indah..
tp smpi biler2 kiter akn ingt sumer yg pernah terjadi..
wise ppl said..
by forgiving those we hate will gave us spaces to forget them..
but wat if they keep doing the same mistake??
hate them more?

ader sorg dak pmpuan nih..
yg cube wujud dlm dunia aku..
try to act concern like she knew everything im facing..
seseorg yg aku juga cube terima..
dan akhirnya..

ada satu hari tuh..
aku da plan nak mkn ngn adik aku..
the he said he was fine with the idea..
so we will out for pasar mlm n dine with list of foods..
i got his text saying that..
"bang, kwn sy mntk tlg tunjukkn jln ke OU..boleh"
how come i say no..
i said yes..n ask..
"u will be here for diner right?"
he said yes..n i wait..

i try to text him..
call him..
n wat eva i can to reach him..
i look at the clock on my table..
where he is...n what am i?

then he text me..
maaf bang beteri kong..
both phone?
he said no..just the celcome one..cant u switch it? 
dia jwp..
"haah x terpikir plak..&…


mlm nih tetibe teringat satu name..
someone yg aku pernah jumpa dulu..
yg bnyk gak kngan ngn aku..
ngn perangai degil dia..

aku x suker jd facilitator.. 
sbb akn bnyk sgt kngan baru yg akn tercipta..
biler org da lupakn semua tuh..
aku still akn ingt..
n im the one who is being burden by those things..

lbh kurang seminggu aku kt sana..
serunuk sgt..
dia antara yg dok kt dorm lame aku..
masa die tgh smbung form 6..
ayah dia meninggal..
aku kol..
tp xdpt ckp ngn dia..

tu r kali terakhir aku cube berhubung..
life is a bit complicated now..
aku bangga tgok idop dia..
well organized then i am..
n much closer to Allah..
dlm dunia aku lg..

dia bru app fb aku..
tp aku x rasa dia ingt lg aku saper..
n aku rasa aku x lyk tok dkt ngn org2 baek..
aku cuma hrp dia akn dpt capai sumer impian dia..
tnx tok kenangan yg ada..

maaf abg x pernah cuba cari kamo..
this is a gift.. from a heart.. created from sea.. made with lots of love..
one of my finest craft.. hahaa.. aku harap dia suker.. kngan picnic pertama kami.. x semahal hadiah len yg dia pernah dpt.. tp kngan yg ada tuh xkn mmpu dibayar smpi biler2..

hrp klu ada masa nnt ley lpk2 sesama lg kn.. tnx sbb selalu ada.. skrg family da knl sumer.. hahaaa~

simpan bek2 k.. hrp sumer nyer akn eppy smpi biler2.. <3
wah.. da sgt lame x update tok seribu bintang.. agak bz cecuti nih.. to much thing i hope to work on.. n some part are already done.. huhuhuu.. so here u go.. kerana seribu bintang..

mak n ayah.. yg sentiasa ada sokong aku dari dulu.. sampi sekarang.. mak n ayah selalu x sht skrg nih.. biler ada masa lpk sesamer.. serunuk sgt.. hrp tuhan akn pnjgkn umo kiter sumer.. dan harungi hari yg mndatang dgn lbh bek..

my sis.. kak long n ma.. xder saper yg dpt gnti tmpt dia org nih.. after going through hard time for years.. kami jd makin mtg n lbh memahami.. x kire aper pon yg jd.. they still the best sibling i eva had..

ibu n abah.. x kire jauh mana.. ibu n abah mesti akn dtg jumpa kiteorg kt cnie.. dgr masalah.. share cerita.. just like we always did when we were kids.. nothing change.. just now we were much more closer.. tnx for always being here..

adik syah.. lps bertaun dia hilang.. aku x sgka dia akn ingt kt aku n family lg.. bila dia dtg tgok mak sakit rituh.. rasa serunuk sgt.. even though he changed a bit.. dia ttp adik a…

i am aint any doctor..

L+O+V+E = pain?

ramai yg tawu ucap..
i love u..
sy syg awak..
but do they really know what is love about?

it wasnt just words..
it was bout feeling..
things that tide u with a person..
person who we cared..
n cared for us too..

klu becinta..
tp mulut x berenti maki hamun..
or keep on doing something that will hurt both of u..
that wasnt love..
it was only trend..
where ppl kept on doing what others did..

klu kamo wat silap..
n mintak maaf..
klu dia marah..
BUKAN tanda dia MARAH SYG..
life is not a drama..

love is where u neva got chance to say sorry..
coz u will have to think twice before u said something..
love come from heart..
wasnt from mouth..
feel it inside..

belom terlambat tol betulkn kesilapan tuh..
be wise..
u have to know who u really love..
n who really love u..
if u kept hurting ur self for things that wont came right..
u will probably make it worse...

jgn terlalu syg seseorg..
sampai lupa kn sumer yg jelas n nyata..
love is something u cant buy..
u cant even get it easily..
work for it..


da 2-3 ari mak x sht..
lemah jer..
nak gerak pon ssh..
sakit2 bdn..

pg td mak ader appoinment ngn pakar kt ospital..
ayah xdpt cuti..
kak long ader kursus..
so aku x jd blik..
g tmn mak g ospital..

berjam2 tunggu..
sampi mak da x thn da..
then sampi giliran..
x smpt cek pon..
doktor da transfer mak kt wat kecemasan..
masa dftar jer..
trus bunyi siren zon kuning..

tuhan jer yg tawu apa aku rasa..
aku tercengang2 sini sana..
lps dftr trus msg ayah..
ayah trus amek cuti..
x sampi hati tgok mak baring dlm wad tuh..

aku diarahkn keluar..
then aku msg adik beradik yg len..
k.long kol tanyer mcm mn mak..
ma pon kol gak..
tp adik yg 2 tuh msg jer "baik"
tu jer..

mak sebut name kamo siang mlm..
da la x blik2 umah lg..
kol pon xder..
kami anggp kamo mcm family..
x sangka kamo akn wat x tawu jer biler mak sakit..

demi Allah..
abg x pernah jmp org mcm nih..
tuhan tuh adil..
sampi masa nnt..
kamu akn rasa sumer nih..

aku harap mak cpt sembuh..
sunyi sgt biler mak xder..
n sedey betol biler tgok mak baring atas katil tuh..

mak …

im sorry..

da lama nak post pasal nih.. tp sentiasa rasa sedey.. tp it was something that i really want them to know..
teringat masa konvo rituh.. aku rasa eppy sgt dpt lpk2 ngn kwn2 dip.. jln2 merata.. walaupon bnyk yg da berubah.. tapi relationship tuh sgt kuat..
tp masa konvo tuh.. aku spoil kn rasa eppy sumer org.. tawu napa?
sbb aku rasa rindu sgt kt korg sumer.. mmg korg ley ckp korg pon rindu.. tp aku yg stay kt kuis nih.. yg teringt semua kngn yg pernah ada dulu.. sumer tmpt yg kiter lpk.. sumer saat yg ada.. xboleh ker korg spare another few minutes for us.. just for once?
then masa kuar ke putrajaya.. aku serunuk dgr anne ada sama.. tp aku tawu lps apa yg jd.. kami xkn same mcm dulu.. cuma.. aku pon hrp dpt betul kn sumer yg silap dulu..
mmg slh aku ngamok2 rituh.. tp ada x yg phm ape aku rasa...? xder.. cuma zaie yg tunggu smpi sumer org da blik.. tnx zaie..
aku mintak maaf klu aper yg jadi ritu.. wat korg rasa xder apa yg nak dikenang lg.. tp.. korg r kwn terbaik aku pernah ada.. tnx sumer..

tnx Allah..

mlm nih akn tido dgn lena..
rasa serunuk sgt..
rasa sgt dihargai..

td golek2 borak ngn mak n ayah..
then mak kt sungai buloh call..
windu lak nak blik sana..

baru kejap td..
adik call..
lame gak borak..
serunuk tawu dia da mula idop baru..
aku hrp dia xkn ulang kesilapan lalu..

kak long da tido..
penat g kursus halal..
adik ma lak ayah ckp nak g jom heboh..
sumer sng ati..

adik kecit aku yg sorg tuh jer..
yg sgt jrg ada..
tp aku tawu dia ingt kt aku..
cuma da sbuk ngn idop baru dia..
hrp satu masa nnt dia akn ingt aku selalu..

walaupon aku selalu bersungut..
x bersyukur..
Allah still bg aku pluang tuk bahagia..
terima kasih Allah..
hidup ini mmg indah..

selamat mlm sumer..=)

kenapa aku..?

rmi yg mula tanya nape blog aku n fb aku selalu sgt sedeh2.. hahaa.. terdiam.. blog n fb yg sedeh? aku nih?
actually hidup nih mmg bnyk yg sedeh.. satu pelajaran.. apa pun yg kita wat.. kita sendiri yg akn tanggung..
aku rasa aku da bnyk berubah.. tp org cume nmpk aku berubah luaran.. makin bergaya.. makin smart.. mmg.. aku paksa diri aku tuk nmpk lbh hebat.. but why...?
aku nak org yg lupakn aku rasa rugi aku xder dlm idop mereka.. tapi hakikatnya.. mereka still ok ngn life mereka.. aku? yg berangan dunia nih ada untuk aku..
aku da merasa hidup senang.. duduk tmpt mewah.. mkn mahal2.. naek mcm2 knderaan mewah.. but its not wat i've been looking for.. im still looking for wat i really need..
aku x pernah bercinta..? x.. sbb aku bnyk komitmen laen.. aku xnak org tunggu aku.. mgharap pd aku.. sbb aku bnyk urusan yg blom selesai.. aku syg.. aku suka.. tp aku lbh pntgkn apa yg mereka perlukn.. bkn trus pntgkn diri..
klu mereka pilih untuk jauh dari aku.. aku akn undur diri.. bukan membenci.. tp lbh menghormati..
hidup adala…