singletears

they said... a new dawn is a new day.. a new start.. n I miss my new start with cloud filling the entire sky.. telling the universe how close it will hug the earth.. n now I can only see hays..   there were time that I hold my self tidily n let my mind think that.. I need nobody to love.. to be in love.. to fall for love.. get hurt n letting go..   but none will satisfied me.. I believe that I was born to love.. love completed my life.. here n I hope hereafter..   I need them.. no matter how bad they treated me.. no matter how bad they make me cried.. I still hope I can hug them n tell them.. "i'm here n I will always love u"   to my dear lil SIS..ma* there were time when we make mistake.. we said wrong words.. we do wrong action.. n fall for wrong things.. but non will ends my cares n love for u..   to my HEART n SOUL..fie sometime I think we are not mean for each other.. coz I cant gave u ...

saat aku rasa dendam itu manis.. meratap dan merayu itu sesuatu yg indah.. memohon kemaafan itu bahagia.. hati mula memberat.. mungkin disebalik BENCI yg aku cipta.. masih lg ada SAYANG yg belum terhapus.. demi Allah aku sayang dia.. mungkin aku pernah sayang dia.. tapi bukan sekarang.. bukan selepas dia ragut semua kegembiraan yg dia sendiri tawarkan.. bukan selepas dia putuskan kenangan yang ada.. bukan selepas aku buat keputusan untuk akhiri hidup aku.. dan bukan selepas aku sedar aku hanya NOKTAH dlm hidup dia.. aku pandang pengakhiran ini dari sudut yg lain.. terima kasih untuk pernah ada.. terima kasih untuk beri saya bahagia.. terima kasih untuk buat saya lebih kuat.. dan terima kasih untuk lebih kuat dan meninggalkn saya.. saya cuma mintak satu jer.. tolong jgn kembali.. tolong jgn ulang semula.. tolong jgn muncul depan saya walaupun sesaat.. dan tolong jgn minta maaf lagi.. maaf itu mungkin hanya dimulut tapi dihati hanya Allah yg tahu.. saya x pern...

everything will stop when it comes to the end.. n I believe.. we are now done.. if this will be the last moment I was given by lord to hold ur hand.. i'll make sure not even a second will be wasted.. people call it revenge.. some said payback.. but to me it mean "promises" I knew after this.. there will be no more space between us.. it doesn't mean we r closed enough.. but by heart n soul will be completely separated.. I didn't do this becoz I hate u.. but I do becoz I want u to stop.. n I want my simple life back.. life where there will be me n only me.. thanks for the joy u once gave.. thanks for the smile u once shared.. thanks for the heart once I owned.. "it was for our own good" ? which our? u knew this will only pay u a pleasure.. n none will drop by me.. I neva been hurt this much.. I stand my ground with another mistake.. mistaken of ur own identity.. ur goodness.. n now im free.. if a bird loose its wings.. it...

I smile not becoz I love too.. but I need to.. days seem harder for me.. but tearing it will do no good at all.. so I've started to understand life the other way around.. "smile even if its hurt u much" mom said forgive.. others said move on.. n he said let go.. none of it was in my dictionary.. n now I feel empty.. I smile.. I lough.. I cried.. but I don't feel a thing in my heart.. I really hope this suffering will ends soon.. even if Allah said my time is done.. i'll neva regrets even a second I spend with u.. O'Allah.. plz take this burden off me..  

another dull morning.. how much I miss my life.. I miss him.. I miss the whole world.. n non replied.. aku harap sgt dpt kuar dari cnie.. n God is listening.. bukan aku benci.. cume aku xley tanggung lg sumer yg jadi.. I tot when I left my hometown.. leaving everything behind.. I will be ok.. but its not.. org ckp idop aku perfect.. is it? begging others to love me.. jg adik org dgn hrpn dia syg aku.. jg abg org dgn hrpn dia hargai aku.. becoz I have my own who think I will neva be at the same standart as the were.. aku ingt.. klu syg org luar.. the cuts wont be too deep.. but still.. it wont stop bleeding.. I missed my old life.. where I only think bout wat I wanna have.. do thing I love most.. I missed my childhood.. where everything seem normal.. yes I get hurt.. but it becoz I felt off a tree.. not becoz someone broke my heart.. ya Robb.. aku rindu untuk kembali pada mu.. benarkan hati ku pergi.. jemput aku kembali.. aku redha ia terhenti dis...

malam nih genap umo aku 25 n 6 bulan.. masa semakin laju.. bnyk yg perlu di ubah.. this few days still wont come ease.. nor even a break.. those words.. that moment.. still hangs in my heart.. making it to beat faster everytime i think about it.. it was a great things to know dat i was surrounded by good guys.. great friends from all places.. i got phone calls.. text messengers.. prays.. after they knew i was not in a good condition.. few people really understand my issues.. while others try to comfort me.. n both were very kind to drop their times for a silly frnd like me.. they came out with the common tips.. common ending.. common words.. "let go n move on, u deserve someone better" i knew they mean no harm.. but they dont even know who he really was.. yet they try to comfort me.. thanks.. i love him before i knew he got very sick.. n i still love him that much..maybe even more.. after i knew about his cond...

letting go is not the best part in any story.. june was just started.. but to me its already end.. the whole day was a mass.. I couldn't eat a thing.. all I can do is to cried my heart out.. n thanks to my BFF zaha.. who always be there.. listen to my foolish story telling.. even the only sound he could listen is im crying on phone.. terma kasih mak.. sebab teman sy tido.. tepuk blkg sy masa sy nanges.. sampi sy tertido.. tenangkan hati saya.. teman sy bersahur.. it was a big blessing to have her in my life.. "boleh jadi sesuatu yg kamu sayangi itu bukan lah sesuatu yg baik untuk mu" now im starting to understand.. all I knew is.. he was the best person to be with.. till we decided not to have it in future.. only god knows how I love him.. how much I need him.. how much he mean to me.. he said he tried.. I tried.. but we cant.. it was easy for me to let go by not looking at the end.. but the way he hold my hands.. n tell me not to get hu...