singletears

jam2 terakhir 2011.. Ya Allah.. kau ikatkanlah hati kami dgn kasih syg.. yg utuhnya kekal sehingga nafas tiada.. sehingga akhir masa.. dan dgn kasih itu hati ini sentiasa bersama mu.. Ya Allah.. perkenankan doaku... Shamsiah ismail Yaacob isam Nursara Yaacob Nurakmar Yaacob Mohd Fathi Hussien andai mereka bukan dihatiku Ya Rabbi.. tempatkan mereka di hatimu Allah.. agar aku tahu.. mereka lebih disayangi.. mereka tidak disia2kn.. dan tidak pula terluka.. Ya Allah.. limpahkanlah hatiku dgn kasih syg.. agar hilang suram hariku.. hilang sunyi hayatku.. walaupun kasih itu tidak berbalas.. aku yakin.. kasih ku hanya kerana mu Ya Rahim.. ameen..

i wish.. u wish.. we wish.. they wish.. if all the wishes would come true.. i bet no more tears will drop on this earth.. but God have his own way in giving bless.. sometimes i wish i could lend a hand.. do my part.. gave help to those who need me.. wrap my self up n donate for charity.. =) but life is not in our hand.. as faith took it place.. everything will work in better way.. i wish they were.. i really hope i could help him.. take out a lil burden off him.. thats why im rushing myself through times.. cant wait to start working.. help my beloved family.. i wish i could give everything my parents want.. grant all my lil sis dreams.. shove all my sis tears n shone her a better light.. built a better life for my lovely lil brother.. create spaces called love in my own life.. i wish i could kept my promises.. i want my sis, lil sis n lil brother to built their own life before i did.. no matter how long it takes.. how long to wait.. i will.. coz i do...

this were our krafkami new collection.. it was inspired by those who i really cared this day.. those who are as much important as my day is.. the stories goes... mr.sunny a gift for someone.. she was  an important person to my lil brother.. she means alot to him.. like sun.. i knew sometime im a bit hursh on him.. i really wanna have that moment..alone.. but sometime things are better left unspoken.. i hope by giving mr.sunny to her will make her feel better.. coz that wat would make my lil brother a much better.. cumulus.. my lil brother were like those cloud.. gathered.. sharing his shade.. for people he love most.. always around them.. got highly motivated life.. i wish i were there.. but i just cant.. rainbow.. she was a great friend to me.. always someone who got positive emotion.. giving her speech.. like those teacher i once had.. huhu.. she always motivated me to swap off the tears.. n had ...

nyesal blik mcm tuh jer.. smpi rini.. hati still rasa berat.. smpi rini.. mata still bengkak.. nangis mcm org bodo.. tp aku tawu aku x bodo tuk syg dia.. dia baik.. cuma.. dia.. aku.. aku cube bg dia ruang.. tp aku rasa aku yg xley terluang.. aku cuba phm.. cuma.. aku belum cukup kuat tuk rasa sumer tuh.. segalanya akn baek? harapan.. mungkin ni yg terbaek untuk kami.. jauh.. cuma ati sentiasa teringat.. 1000 more years....? wish we could have that kind of period.. so many things can be shared.. but if im given option.. to have another 1000 years.. i would not going to grant that wish.. it was better for me to died with the memory.. im sorry.. i couldnt wait.. i wish...

tengah kemas2 barang.. dak cumil nih tanyer.. "pakcik nak g mana?" aku ckp nak balik umah.. "napa pakcik nak balik?" aku senyap.. napa berat sgt....? trus pelok dia.. "pakcik ada kerja, syg.." berat nak tinggalkn mereka sumer.. tapi lbh berat nak hadapi SAAT tuh.. cukuplah aku tawu yg aku sayang dia.. dia...? hanya dia yg tahu.. maafkn abg..

22 December 2011 12.05 am.. Still dragging this eyes to sleep.. It wont even shut for a second.. Sometimes im annoyed with my own self.. The way I set things around me.. The way I stand along all the lies.. The broken promises.. It hurts… I often said.. “its for ur own good” “im doing this not to get paid in any ways” But I lied.. I wish those people would hear me.. I wish people would understand me.. I need them.. I need them to know how much I want to be with them.. As often as I could.. Like sun during days.. Like moon at night.. I wish.. I would love to spell my thought out.. Freely.. But I done it before.. Where it goes straight to alley of nothingness.. It hurt me more.. N I choose not to do it again.. Faking this smile.. Shading this tears.. This would be the way.. I’ll let this heart <3 decide.. Im a slave to my own feeling.. I wont be running even got the chances.. Coz I knew.. Running away wont H...

One whole day with double bless.. My bff n adik.. It startd with a plan on going for educational fairs.. Then it goes straight into lot of amusement.. Great fun n joy.. It might just be a window shopping.. As I dried out of cash..huhuaaa~ But It gave us some new memories.. Better then the rest we had before.. N I admitted this 3 days was more awesome then 3 years ago.. Every year on xmass eve.. Zahar n me will always be in center of midvelley.. Jumping around the great deco.. Nice songs.. Good spot for “cuci mata” Hahaa~ The same goes on this year.. But I was thrilled more.. As my lil brother had come together.. We had one great xmass eve few years ago.. It was our first.. Now it flips all the memories open.. For a better things to be remembered.. He smiled more.. Laugh more.. N much more “mesra”.. When times out.. We got on the train.. I already miss them both.. Time is slipping away.. Few month ...

Jadual pack.. Rehat sejam jer.. Kelas abes kul 8.15pm.. Penat.. Tp serunuk dpt kuar ngn adik.. Nak g mkn kt nilai.. Huhuhu.. Gedik dinner pon nak g nilai.. Sampai je nilai.. Terus cari tmpt mkn.. Adik nak abc special.. Abes lak.. Nak daging penyet pon abes gak.. Mkn r baryani daging.. Huhuaaa~ Ader ker baryani mkn ngn togeh?? Daging dia bnyk tp sumer keras giler! Tp xper la serunuk dpt mkn samer.. =) Blik tuh beborak lg.. Cerita kisah yg xder dulu.. Hahaaa~ Everything started to change.. Exactly the way we suppose to be before.. Thanks God.. For every second He spared me with.. 2 nd night he slept here.. Nothing much to talk.. After hours of chatting.. but only God knows how great it feel.. to woke up n there he waits.. =) Thanks again Allah..

few weeks after some handsomely cash loaded into my accaunt.. i started to turn shopaholics.. gurhh...i am.. n no doubt i even start to create new hobby.. new passions.. READING.. hahaa.. the 1st novel i bought was.. agak tebal.. 2-3 minggu gak baru abes..huhuaaa~ then next shopping spree.. i bought 2 more novels.. the sherlock holmes was greatly finished reading in one day.. as it was just few hundred pages.. the phoenix file have to wait.. because.. im totally lost into this novels.. hahaa.. tawu novel lama.. tp cerita nih kenangan tgok ngn bff n adik aku.. i got it in a great deal from MPH books carnival.. midvalley.. damn great.. i just hope by reading those books will help.. to improve my english.. =) hope so.. hahaaaa~

"terasa KEHILANGAN semula "

hurmm.. serunuk dpt blik cuti.. lepak2 kt umah.. ngn casabonda.. tp biler blik umah.. masuk bilik.. tgok keliling.. K.E.N.A.N.G.A.N sgt menyiksa.. tapi memandangkn taun baru.. harapan baru.. masa untuk tutup sumer cerita lama.. lagipun aku phm sgt.. org len da lupakn sumer tuh lama dulu.. i still remember when i first get this gift.. he said.. "i hug it close to my heart before i wrap it up n send it to u" and after years of keeping it that way.. i finally washed it for the first time.. n hoping that all memories drain out from it.. as i might move on without u.. 1100 eko burung origami.. my valentine gift in 2004.. 8 years n still counting.. n i finally agreed with what faith have been telling me all the time.. we should neva talk bout this again.. i really hope to get over all this in near future.. n hoping that u will soon found someone better.. someone really love u.. really cared.. n care for u mo...

this post was exclusively wrote in memory of DBM.. after 3 years of waiting.. we finally get wat we have been dreaming for.. scroll.. soul.. answer that we hope gonna change our near future.. years of waiting.. change every heart we met.. since day 1.. to the last bit of time.. for better? worse.. siyes korg x pernah berubah.. still pentingkn diri sendiri.. aku x hrp sgt dpt lpk2 ngn korg mcm dulu.. by accepting that faith have its own match on u guys.. bertunang.. kawen.. tp x perlu la over sgt.. this suppose to be our last gathering.. isnt it? sartika embong...norainulfitri nordin.. still mcm dulu.. ckp lebih.. buat x reti.. da janji nak sabo tok amek pic sesamer.. tp biler da jmp family.. trus lupa diri.. korg da jmp family korg 2 ari lbh awal.. aku lgsung x jmp lg.. pon still ley tunggu.. pnt da aku sabo ngn korg.. biler aku ngamok.. sumer tarik muka.. klu mcm nih r kn.. bek xyah jumpa jer.. lg bagus...

new semester just started.. to many things need to be done.. yet.. im missing home for one reason.. how much mom need me now.. sekarang da mula rasa tanggungjawap tuh.. berat.. bkn sbb kerja yg perlu aku wat.. tapi berat bila pikirkn.. satu masa nnt.. mereka akn pergi selamanya.. dan aku harap aku ada untuk tmn mereka nnt.. mak masih blom sembuh.. ayah pon ada jer yg sakit.. aku plak jaoh.. aku sentiasa doa mereka sihat.. dpt tgok aku mulakn hidup baru.. balas jasa mereka dgn apa yg aku mampu.. aku pon bnyk masalah.. tp.. aku tawu.. mereka lebih bnyk yg nak ditanggung.. lebih berat dari apa yg kelihatan.. i wish i had done more to help.. i wish i was there to keep them comfort.. i wish they could see a little family that i might have one day.. n i wish...this wish could cheer them up.. every time i step away from this house.. i wish i could say this.. "mak, ayah...everything will be just fine"...

sumer org ada cara masing2.. x kire wat aper pon.. aku pon.. nak knl org pon aku bnyk wat ikot cara aku.. even sometime nmpk mcm x penting.. or pelik.. tp this is me.. aku x paksa org ikot ckp aku.. but once u considered urself part of my world.. u have to accept every single changes i made.. if u wont.. u r free to walk out.. for some reason.. aku x suker org paksa2 aku terima dia.. x kesah la sebagai apa.. i knew with whom i wanna be with.. aku bg pluang tuk cube.. tp x reti hargai.. once i turn.. dont eva expect me to look back.. coz i wont.. klu ko da ras idop ko sempurna.. go ahead leave me alone.. i got my own problem to mess with.. life is not ours to keep.. ppl come n gone.. in a minutes.. second.. or even a blink... for now.. i think it would be enough.. good enough to have my family with me.. my mom..dad..2 sisters n 2 brothers.. u got ur own family right?  so move on.. i dont want an...

beberapa hari lps.. tgh2 korek file kt pc.. terjumpa pic nih... ntah biler aku save.. ader gak kngan.. hurmm.. arwah firdaus.. junior aku dulu.. ingt masa mula2 jmp dia.. tgok mcm sumbung.. tp die penyegan rupanyer.. masa pindah bilik.. x sangka lak dia dok sama.. biler bgun pg.. senang klu kejot die bgun subuh.. cepat jer bgun.. dia antara junior plg sopan ngn aku.. setiap kali jumpa dia akn tego n salam.. dia nih kelako gak.. mcm lurus ckt.. dia ada pinjam buku aku.. seminggu pertama dia call.. "abg is, ley sy pdm notes yg abg salin kt buku ni?" aku jwp..boleh... minggu ke 2..dia call.. "abg is, ley sy tulis notes kt buku nih?" aku jawap..boleh... minggu ke 2..dia call... "abg is, maaf..buku da ilang..nnt sy ganti.." aku jwp..xper daus..abg da x pki lg.. dia abg yg baek.. anak yg baek.. kawan yg baek.. dan pd aku.. dia adik yg baek.. 26 november nih dia sepatutnya ...

hurmmm.. sekejap jer da nak abes sebulan cuti.. bnyk gak r yg aku wat sebulan nih.. what i love most.. COOKING!! huhuhu... walaupun x sedap mana.. tapi serunuk dpt wat benda yg x pnh wat sblum nih.. tiap2 kali nak masak.. mak akn ckp.. "yakin jer..kalu slh pon xper.. chef2 yg handal tuh pun dulu wat salah gak.." mak selalu jd org pertama yg akn rasa aper yg aku masak.. ada satu masa tuh.. aku wat puding custard.. resepi dlm buku tuh x lengkap.. terus keras.. seketul jer.. aku menyumpah seranah kt dapo.. pastu mak dtg.. "xper...nanti cuba lg" aku ngn hangin nyer cedok sumer tuh nak buang.. pastu mak ckp lg.. "eh jgn buang...xper nnt mak mkn.." ='( mak sentiasa sokong aper yg aku wat.. skrg mak x sehat.. da jarang ke dapo.. tp tiap2 kali aku masak.. mak mesti rasa.. walaupun sikit.. mak.. cepat sembuh yer.. sy nak masak banyak lg.. terima kasih gak pd ayah.. ayah x pernah ...

terima kasih kerana paham sy.. cuma sy yg x pernah cuba phm awak.. terima kasih gak sbb bg link tuh pd sy.. walaupun sy sendiri x pasti.. samada sy perlu wujud lg ke x dlm hidup dia.. tnx gak pada kamo.. sy x sangka kamo akn ingt sy.. sy cuma rasa.. sy xder hak untuk ganggu hidup kamo lg.. sy pilih untuk hilang.. sbb sy yakin kamo pasti akn eppy.. sy harap.. satu masa nanti.. kita akn jumpa.. dan hargai masa yg ada sebaiknya.. xnak lg sebut cerita yg x pernah eppy ni.. satiap mlm.. sebelum tido.. sy akn tgok 2 benda.. mungkin pd org len cuma brg biasa.. tp.. pd sy.. ia amat bermakna.. happy star aku..star kamu kuning kn...? ermm.. hot air baloons aku..n panda ijau..kamo pon ijau gak kn..sbb xder pilihan..ermmm.. sy akn pastikan dua2 nih ttp sama.. kamo pnh tanya.. "np bg bintang besar tuh?" sy ckp.. sbb x kira langit gelap mcm mn pon.. hujan lebat ker.. kamo akn ttp akn nmpk bintang.. panda ija...

ada masa nyer.. rasa rindu kt someone.. ntah mcm mane die skrg.. teringat masa dedulu.. serunuk sgt.. aku pon x pernah ltk "title" untuk apa yg kami pernah ada dulu.. biler tengok iklan sunsilk.. terus teringat kt dia.. hurmm.. lama sgt x jumpa.. ader yg aggap aku bodo.. sbb lpskn apa yg aku suka.. apa yg aku sayang.. tapi tol ker? aku pon x pasti.. dia pernah bagi tawu yg dia da lp kn yg lps2.. dia cube cari kebahagiaan.. tapi.. she's bound to her past.. for the reason i dont even know y.. perlu ker aku teruskan? dia ada pilihan dia.. dan aku undur diri.. tu yg pasti.. cuma.. ayat terakhir dari dia.. " saya mahu kamo tawu kamo penting dlm idop saya" sampai sekarang aku x phm.. tapi sumer tuh da berlalu.. aku harap dia bahagia.. dan xder org bodo yg buta.. betapa special nyer dia.. anne.. maaf ada yg perlu saya simpan.. maaf sbb ia x terluah.. saya harap kamo bahagia.. <3 ...

alhamdulillah.. Tuhan masih syg aku.. bagi aku peluang untuk eppy lg.. beberapa hari lps.. antara hari2 yg penuh makna bagi aku.. x pernah terpikir pon adik akn balik.. teringat masa mula2 kenal dulu.. everything seem so nicely welcome.. until i made it worse.. mmg salah aku.. x patot aku kawal hidup dia.. aku just xmo lg ilang org yg aku syg.. aku rasa aku da wat yg terbaek tuk dia.. rupa nyer aku wat yg terbaek tuk diri aku.. sgt pntingkn diri... dan semuanyer berubah.. we are turning own different ways.. choosing our own destiny.. tapi jauh dlm hati ni.. nak sumer tuh kekal.. tapi aku xmo susahkn sesaper pon lg.. lbh bek lepaskan.. tapi x sangka dia tetap ada.. lps sumer yg jadi.. dia still ada untuk aku.. dari mula dia dtg.. casabonda terus ceria.. masak sesamer.. makan sesamer.. wat kijer pon sesamer.. dan.. dia sorg jer yg mewarisi ilmu mengait mak.. seronok tgok dia eppy.. empat hari sangat ...

 lama da x tgok sunrise kt laut.. bukan nyer jauh pon.. cumer.. hurmmm... banyak sangat kenangan kt laut tu.. n ni kngan yg baru...   aku bkn jenis org yg akn lupakn kisah lama.. tapi ada masanyer aku rasa aku da simpan sumer tuh kt blkg.. terus kedepan.. tapi.. tiap2 kali aku nak wat mcm tuh.. kenangan tuh berulang.. bukan x suka.. cuma terkejot..   aku baru siap2 tok maghrib.. tetiba aku dgr mak aku panggil.. "azzaat ada kt luar" siyes terkejut giler.. last jumpa 2006 after 5 years what bring him here.. n yg plg terkejut.. x ramai yg tawu rumah nih..   ni lah azzaat.. kawan pertama aku masa sekolah mngah dlu.. laen plak rasa nyer biler bertaun x jumpa.. tapi.. seronok.. aku x pernah salahkan sesaper pun yg lupakn aku.. setiap org ada hidup masing2.. dan.. terima kasih buat yg masih ingt aku.. dia org terakhir yg aku terpikir akn dtg.. sangat x sangka.. mula2 rasa mcm su...

aku.. x sama mcm yg org pernah kenal dulu.. aku syg.. tp x syg mcm dulu.. aku suka.. tp x suka mcm dulu.. aku sedih.. tp x sedih mcm dulu.. aku rindu.. tp x rindu mcm dulu.. i slip n fell.. when i get up.. it change me.. im sorry.. sorry for not turning back..

for some people out there.. staying inside the house for one whole week could be a disaster.. but not for me.. i was bless with few talent.. i believe a good one.. i love to design.. also to create something beyond my imagination.. mostly bout crafts.. this is what happen during my first week of semester breaks.. enjoy the view.. this was the first room bein redesign.. my own bedroom.. crazy over blue n white.. i've made this as its focal point.. the most enjoyable n memorable part.. craft corner i'd made it my self using old wooden box.. every angle have its own special pick! second room was my sis.. using more nutral color making it look glimmers then b4.. third room belongs to my lil fairy.. red hot blinding colors.. hahaaa~ both doors for this woodrobe is not functioning quite well  so i change it with curtain.. style ala2 katil siang.. nice and simple.. one month wont be enou...